This school year has been different than the others since we have began homeschooling.  Due to many factors I have not written on my blog as often as I would like.  To my faithful readers, I thank you for tolerating my sporadic writing schedule.  Oh who am I kidding – I started ignoring my publication schedule months ago. 

So what makes this school year so different than others?  In addition the the usual fun learning adventures with my children I have been forced to deal with a lot of outside negative opinions.  Unfortunately these negative opinions have came from people I mistakenly considered to be friends.  Even if we weren’t close friends, I still considered them to be homeschooling mom friends who I liked to chat with at local events and a couple of them were even family. 

I don’t fully understand why I have let these negative events effect me, but it just felt different when it was coming from people I was going to have to deal with at local events.  Their behavior is really no different than the hate mail I receive because I dare say we homeschool for academic reasons and from a secular point of view.  One would just hope that you could attend local homeschooling events without being the topic of gossip for some of the other homeschool moms. 

As I have mentioned before, I resigned from the leadership positions I held in our local homeschool group way back in December.  I mistakenly thought it would be easy to transition from a leadership position to “just one of the moms”.  I didn’t count on becoming a source of gossip for a small group of the moms.  I also did not for a second think I would feel insecure and actually let their comments bother me. 

While the ladies I served with on the leadership panel did not discuss why I resigned, oh how the rumors flew between many of the other moms….and it bothered me….and it drives me insane to admit that I, the independent, strong willed woman that I am, let a small group of women make me feel like an insecure teenager trying to fit in.  But it happened and the effects of my temporary bout with insecurity, insanity, whatever silliness you want to call it, was wide-spread.  I stopped blogging…I turned down more than one speaking engagement…I stopped working on my other writing project…I wasn’t feeling confident about myself as a homeschool mom so I just couldn’t bring myself to writing to try to encourage others.  If I couldn’t encourage myself, how would I ever encourage others? I just didn’t feel like I had “the right” to try. 

Back in February I found my inner voice again.  I declared that my blog mattered and I was going to write again.  I even began a new publication schedule that wasn’t as time consuming and was very realistic even with my work load for graduate school.  Then it happened….I once again let the negative opinions quiet my voice.  I decided there was no reason to write, people didn’t want to read what I had to say.  After all, I had people right here in our hometown telling me that fact.  In not so nice ways they made their points clear.  So once again, I allowed the actions of a few silence me.  I stopped writing…I turned down another great speaking opportunity…stopped working on my other project…I focused on just my family and my graduate work.  This continued for weeks, up until last week in fact. 

My husband (James aka Heathen Dad) had to go to Napa Valley for work last week.  Rough gig I tell ya.  He had to be super computer geek during the day and then go out with the guys to eat and attend wine tastings with the wine makers.  Hubby and I talked about future trips that we want to go on.  Some of the trips together, some of them will be each of us on our own.  He has a few geek dream trips he wants to go on and I have a few foodie adventures I want to go on. Talking about this reminded me that I really am an independent and confident woman.  I can do things on my own.  Not just trips, but anything that I set my mind to. 

Then I started thinking about my BlogHer trip this year to New York City.  How was I going to show my face at BlogHer if I no longer write on my blog?  Was I really going to walk up to Ree, aka The Pioneer Woman, and say “Hey remember me from last year?  Yeah, I let a few cranky homeschooling moms bully me into stop writing my blog. I sure wish my blog was half as popular as yours.  Guess that would require me to write from time to time.  But I can’t – too scared of what the gossip will be the next week.” 

HECK NO!  I am not a shy, timid woman who is afraid of ruffling a few feathers from time to time.  It is time that I stop acting that way.  A friend of mine told me this week that sometimes women become intimidated by a woman who does things differently.  That they see it as a challenge to their way of life.  She said that perhaps the moms who feel the need to gossip about me fall under that category.  If that is the case, I hope that they realize that I in no way expect them to homeschool for the same reasons that we do.  I do expect the same respect from them-there is no reason for them to question our motives for homeschooling.  I also encourage them to read the “Define Heathen” page of my blog. 

The negative comments still make their way to me from time to time.  I’m sure they will continue to as long as we participate in events with this particular homeschooling group. 

So that’s what has been going on in my head for the last several weeks.  What’s been going on in your neck of the woods? 

Oh, by the way, if you have emailed me recently…..I’m slowly going through them.  If it is something that requires my immediate response, you might want to email me again so you will be at the top of the pile.   

I am so glad to see the weather beginning to get nicer.  I have had a terrible time the last few weeks with a sinus infection.  I generally don’t get sick except for kidney issues, so this has been rough.  Why can’t mom call in sick?  Really should have read the fine print on the contract a little closer, lol. 

I love receiving emails from readers.  I have been trying to answer each one, but today I realized I have been answering the same questions over and over.  I think it is time to answer a few commonly asked questions.  I will take a few each week to post about.  Have more questions?  GREAT!  Email me anytime! 

Q: What curriculum do you use? 

A: We do not use a prepackaged curriculum.  The reasoning is quite simple, a prepackaged curriculum is limiting.  No one boxed set is going to have information about all of the things that our kiddos want to study during the year.  We are also not big on workbooks, so boxed sets that focus on workbook after workbook would drive me and the kiddos bonkers.  Even if your family loves workbooks it is doubtful that your child needs the same grade level work in all subjects. 

Q: What curriculum do you recommend for X grade? 

A:  I really don’t want to recommend a boxed curriculum.  I would love to help you find materials for various subjects.  I am going to start writing more reviews of books, material sources, etc.  If you really want to use a prepackaged set Oak Meadow is a secular provider of boxed sets.  They also sell items individually.  We have purchased a few books from the company.  I’m planning to write about one of them in a couple of weeks. 

Q:  Where are you? 

A:  We live in southwest Missouri.  Springfield is the largest city around, but St. Louis and Kansas City are just a few hours away.  If you know of a gathering of secular homeschoolers anywhere nearby, please let me know.  We love to hook up with other homeschoolers. 

Q:  Why do you homeschool?

A:  Short answer:  We homeschool for academic reasons.  I tend to answer that question using our short answer.  If a person is actually interested, I do have an expanded story to share.  I’ll save you the trouble of having to hear it tonight.   

Q:  Did you go to college? 

A:  Yes I did.  I graduated from Southwest Missouri State University with a master’s in counseling.  I also completed both of my undergraduate degrees at the same university.  Last semester I started graduate school again at another local university.  I am working on a master’s in criminology. 

Q:  How many children do you have? 

A:  We have two.  Our son is nine (4th grade if still in public school) and our daughter is 4. 

Thanks for reading this edition of Dear Heathen Mom.  I have some additional questions that I will be writing about later this week. 

We started homeschooling when our son completed kindergarten.  It was during his second year that he decided that we really needed to name our school.  Sounds like a simple task right?  It was anything but easy.  We didn’t want the name to sound too “school” or too “fairytale”.  It was a delicate balance.  We needed to find a name that was fun and yet would not make people laugh if they read the name on a form.  You might be wondering why my son wanted to name our school.  Well that’s simple, he wanted t-shirts made with his school name.  His friends who went to public school had them, so he wanted one for homeschooling, lol. 

My kiddos have always been curious by nature.  Even before they could talk they both were interested in seeing how things work.  Yes, that means we have lots of toys taken apart just to see if they can be put back together.  One of my son’s favorite lines of questioning starts with the words “I wonder…”. 

You know what I mean ~~

I wonder what would happen if I mix these two things together? Said right before making two substances overflow and spilling all over the floor. 

I wonder if I can make a bridge that will hold weight?  Followed by a glass of juice being used as the weight to test the bridge that was not quite constructed properly.  Model 2.0 worked much better. 

I wonder what the inside of an eyeball looks like?  Hey mom we need some dissection supplies. 

I wonder what the surface of Mars looks like?  This was followed by years of ongoing research.  He still says he will make a rover that will go to Mars someday and he hopes to be the first man on Mars. 

My daughter also developed this pattern of thinking ~~

I wonder how sweet butterflies like their food?  Enter the experiment with butterflies where we created six different varieties of sugar water for them to feast on. 

I wonder what the inside of the body looks like? 

I wonder…..

Well you get the idea.  My children wonder about a lot.  The beauty of homeschooling is that I can allow each of them to explore their ideas.  I love being able to do that. 

So what did we name the school way back when my son was in second grade? 

Wonder Academy

It is still a fitting name for our homeschool life.  When the kiddos “wonder” they are free to explore. 

Do you have a name for your homeschool?  Leave a comment and let me know what it is and why you picked it. 

So just how does a new homeschooler find out about state laws?  It is actually quite simple…if you google “Missouri department of education” (Just replace Missouri with the state you live in) you find the website of Missouri Department of Elementary & Secondary Education (MO DESE).  A simple search on the department’s site will help you to find the homeschooling requirements for your state. 

It is also important to pay attention to any changes of the homeschool laws within your state.  The requirements in Missouri changed just slightly recently. 

If you haven’t reviewed the requirements for your state this year, I encourage you to take another look at the homeschool laws for your state. 

The question of the night was – so why do you homeschool?  I don’t know if this was a popular question because there were several moms there that just started homeschooling this year or if it was because the cold winter months are enough to make anyone question their sanity, but I was asked the question at least a half dozen times during the night. 

When someone asks you this, they don’t want a hour long answer highlighting a long list of what you perceive as the positive effects of homeschooling.  They want a quick and simple answer.  The answer might be a springboard that will launch you into that hour long discussion, but keep the initial answer brief. 

So what is Heathen Mom’s quick and simple answer to the question?  I know this will come as a shock to everyone……..

We homeschool for academic reasons.  The opportunities that homeschooling opens up to our children are limitless. 

In less than twenty words I can give a brief explanation of why we homeschool.  I know this Thoughtful Thursday is late in the day (dang rehearsal, lol), but I hope we have a few people participate. 

So, why do you homeschool?  Leave a comment telling me why you homeschool.  Keep it twenty words or less.

Have a great night! 

Date:  About a month ago

Symptoms:  Fighting the desire to smack stupid people upside the head and many more that we can laugh about another day, lol!

Diagnosis:  Disgruntled homeschooler

Treatment:  Avoidance of all things that didn’t have to be done – That’s right people, I said it….a staycation was in order!

Outcome:  A renewed desire to debunk homeschooling myths, excitement to begin writing again and a happier Heathen Mom

About a month ago I was crazy busy trying to get things for our local homeschool group ready for the fall semester.  I started to be annoyed with, well pretty much everything.  I won’t get into specifics because a couple of people from our local group found my blog, but here is the general info.

I was annoyed because some new people had this ”kiss my ass or I will bad mouth the homeschool group to everyone I know” type of attitude.  Because of the people who had this attitude some people in leadership felt the need to keep these new people happy.  There were fears that these bad attitude people could ruin things in the community –  donations for the group, etc.

I personally don’t feel the need to kiss anyone’s ass to keep them happy.  As you can guess, I was the only one in leadership who took this stance.  Long story short, I made one of these new people mad.  Others in leadership were concerned about keeping the new people happy and I considered resigning from my leadership positions.  I didn’t want to be part of a group that worried so much about kissing up to new people (who had no desire to help the group) at the expense someone who volunteers in lots of ways for the group.  In the end, I didn’t resign and the kissing up to these people is no longer important to some of the others.

The result of the crazy drama and crazy schedule resulted in me deciding to take a break from just about everything.  Anything in our family that was extra went away for a few weeks.  No outside lessons for the kids, blogging, twittering, organized events….nothing that could make our schedule more crazy.  This lasted for about two weeks.

It was so nice, I can’t even put it in words.  When you look at the calendar and you really don’t have anything that had to be done….omg, heaven!  I highly recommend it if you are able to do so.

We have slowly been getting back into the swing of things as activities start back for the fall semester.  The last thing for me to add back was my online life.  Not writing for a few weeks gave me a chance to really think about why I am writing here at Heathen Homeschoolers.  I started this blog on a lark.  It took me awhile to realize that other people were reading it.  I love the fact that people take time out of their schedule to read what I write.  There are thousands of homeschooling blogs online.  The majority of the blogs are families who homeschool for religious reasons.  Since we homeschool for academic reasons, those blogs don’t really offer me the information that I need.  I have some that I like to visit, but the suggestions for activities and materials are not ones that I would ever really consider using with my kids.

Being away from my blog for a month showed me that debunking the myth that all homeschoolers choose to homeschool for religious reasons is very important to me.  There are more Heathen Homeschoolers out there.  I just have to help them find my blog.

1.  “I’m sorry, if I would have known I wouldn’t have asked.” ~~ Guess this one thought our kids didn’t know they were homeschooled.

2.  “But you went to college to work in a school.  Why waste your education?”  ~~  Well guess what?  I’m thinking about going back to graduate school for another degree.  Guess I will just have to waste another degree.

3.  “Why?  What did your kids do?”  ~~ You know all those homeschool gangs running the streets during the school day, lol!

4.  “It must be rough knowing your kids can’t make it in real school.”  ~~ See response to number 3

5.  “Well my Johnny Sue is so social.  They have to go to real school.”  ~~ I hear this one all the time from members of Heathen Dad’s family, ugh!

6.  “When are you going to force your children into the real world.”  ~~ Another comment from a family member, lol!

7.  “When will they be ready to go to school.”  ~~ That’s right, the only reason to homeschool is if your child is behind academically.  I forgot about that, lol!

8.  “But what about socialization?”  ~~ Every homeschoolers favorite question

9.  “Will they go to real school by junior high?” ~~ Because we all know that “real school” begins in junior high.

10.  “But how do you have time to go out with your friends during the day?”  ~~ In our area there is a large number of stay at home moms who have regular coffee dates, shopping trips, etc.  They hire sitters for the children who aren’t school age.  After all, who wants to stay with their children?

While we were waiting for my daughter’s dance class to end, my son was playing with some boys who were waiting for their sisters and I chatted with some moms.  There were a few new moms there tonight that you could tell were trying hard to fit in with the “cool” moms in the room, lol.

A couple of the new moms started talking about school.  Mom A said something about a recent special section of the newspaper that had articles about local school districts and homeschooling. (Just as a side note – our local homeschooling group was featured in the article.)  Mom B stated “I can spot a homeschool freak a mile away.  Those children have no possible positive future.”  She went on to ramble about how homeschooling is such a disservice to the children, that public school is the best and only way to educate children and how she questions the sanity of any parent who decides to homeschool.  I asked her how she could spot such “freaks”.  Her response “They are the ones that don’t know how to play.  They stay right by their mother like some scared little rabbit.”

I started laughing, I couldn’t help myself.  She thought I was laughing about her joke, so she elaborated about her thoughts on homeschooling even more.  Finally I told her that I knew two of the boys in the room were homeschooled.  I asked her if she could pick them out.  She said that they all “look too normal” and she couldn’t believe any of those boys were homeschooled.

I called my son and the other homeschool child over and asked them to introduce themselves to Mom B.  Imagine her surprise when my son said, “Hello Mom B, my name is Heathen Son.  It is a pleasure to meet you.”  The other boy introduced himself in a similar fashion.  When they returned to the group of boys, I asked her exactly how my son was a “freak” that she could spot so easily —- her response never came.

It is still amazing to me that so many parents feel the need to degrade another family’s educational choices.  I don’t expect Mom B to justify why she sends her children to public school.  She shouldn’t expect me to defend our decision to homeschool.